The Jolly Roger Pirate sunset cruise

In today’s review I’ll cover the Jolly Roger pirate boat in Cape Town. More specifically, I’ll have a chat about the sunset cruise and my experience on the thing.

Jolly Roger pirate cruise cape town

Aargh, me mateys!


Okay, so let me be perfectly honest. I fucking loathe going to the city. As a mid-thirtier with kids and a house and pets and a pet husband to boot in the northern suburbs of Cape Town, the whole thing makes my maag naar.

But, you know, whenever I do get out, I always enjoy the shit out of every event. I suppose I’ve just been cooped up in my home for too long so the idea of heading head first into traffic and crowds makes me anxious.

But it was the eve of my 36th birthday and my brother’s 42nd birthday, so I could hardly say no to the idea of cruising around the Cape Town Waterfront speaking pirate badly.

Arrivee and all that jazz

No really—they had real jazz on the boat. We could see that even before boarding the Jolly Roger.

Firstly, the pre-drinks. Now what can I say about it except that it was not lekker at all. I mean I’m someone who likes tea, you know. Especially after my year-long hospital adventure I’d become quite used to my tea. But carbonated flou tee is not my thing gots.

It didn’t appear to be anyone’s thing as the staff on the boat would later beg patrons to please take the stock off their hands. If only they would have had the same stock for rum—ya know!? Who the hell takes a bunch of thirsty fuckers on a boat with one measly bottle of rum stocked? They compensated later by giving us vodka and coke. Which was hella weird.

The first issue on the boat was trying to find a place to plant my lame assed tush. Some old dickhead decided to hog ALL the seats around him because he is clearly someone important in life, love and everything else. You can spot those old entitled omies a mile away right? Prolly has his own yacht, dunno why he had to hog our ship. Can’t very well moer an oom so early on in the evening, so I resorted to cussing the poes under my breath and moving along. I tried calling a mutiny, but the jazz was loud.

It was pretty though—them jazzes. Hats off to the muso’s. I can’t imagine my smoker’s lungs holding a note on a sax for that long.

The second issue was more of a joke than anything else. The section of the boat/ship which holds the lifejackets has clear instructions not to be opened on water. HAHAHAHAHA!

Jolly Roger Pirate boat life vest container

“Don’t you DARE take these lifejackets out at sea!”

The crew seemed a charming bunch used to all the things described in a Masefield poem and the customary jokes to get us all excited.

Now, there is one problem in all this which has nothing to do with the sea, the sun, the crew, the drinks or the jazz—me gerderrmed feet ahait! Yeah, you knew it. Adelheid still has no sense of balance or footplanting, and thus, I sat comfortably down the entire trip with my thick ass tightly secured against the manual-flushing loo wall. It wadn’t too bad ese!

Now here’s another weird thing. So there are two loo’s. One has a normal sized seat and an automatic flush, the other has a dwarf-sized seat and flushes manually. I don’t necessarily mind the manual flush, but it seems strange to me that the loo which would most probably be used by kids flushes manually. How even?

Inside cape town jolly roger

Aaaaaah! A jolly loo break!

Not that this tannie minds much. I’ve taken my fair share of veldties in my life and the mere fact that there are clean loo’s on the Jolly Roger is a fucking A+!

All-in-all, a thoroughly enjoyable trip and it doesn’t even make the sea-sickness kick in as I’d suspected it to.

The good

  • It’s a pirate ship ffs!
  • Awesome spirit onboard
  • Just the right length of time
  • Despite suspecting the contrary, the ablutions were sufficient and clean

 

The bad

  • Limited seating
  • One of the toilets are kiddie-size if that bothers you
  • Bathroom doors will hit you on the elbow if you sit next to the loos
  • The alcohol seems to have been pirated away!
  • No snacks onboard despite what they advertise

 

OVERALL RATING:

I give the Jolly Roger pirate cruise a respectable 7/10. It’s not the MSC for sure, but it doesn’t pretend to be either and its lack of pretense gives it a very authentic and jolly feel.